📜 The Branding Manifesto Nobody Asked For

Subtitled: “Rules for marketers who’ve seen too many Google Slides and not enough reality.”

Every brand wants to be loved. But most are too afraid to be honest. They want the glow of authenticity without the risk. The personality without the panic.

Well, we’re done pretending.

Here’s a manifesto for the brands, startups, and creatives who are tired of speaking in vague, sanitized nonsense—and ready to say something that matters (or at least makes people smirk).

1. If your slogan can be used by a bank, a gym, and a toothpaste brand, it’s not a slogan. It’s noise.
2. “Empower” is not a word. It’s a creative cop-out with a press release complex.
3. If you describe your brand voice as “authentic,” it probably isn’t.
4. A mission statement that requires a whiteboard to explain is not a mission. It’s a maze.
5. Buzzwords do not become more powerful when stacked.
   “Empower. Elevate. Innovate.” = “Confuse. Dilute. Delete.”
6. Your audience is not a “journey.” Stop mapping them like they’re a UX safari.
7. The vibe is not the brand. The brand is the thing people joke about behind your back.
8. Your brand can be funny. Even if you're in B2B. Especially if you're in B2B.
9. The best brand voices aren’t “crafted.” They’re felt. You don’t A/B test charm.
10. If it reads like a chatbot wrote it, an actual chatbot might do it better.

Want to Skip the BS Entirely?

That’s what we built HonestTaglines.com for.
It’s not here to inspire. It’s here to translate your branding lies into slogans that actually sound like a human being wrote them… while slightly unhinged.

You’ll get gems like:

• “We disrupt markets. Mostly your attention span.”
• “Fueled by coffee. Guided by panic.”
• “Now hiring. Still confused.”

You Don’t Need Permission to Be Honest.

But if you do—here it is.
From this point forward, may your brand voice be sharper than your pitch deck.

👉 Generate your brutally honest slogan now

And if anyone asks where you found your spine, just send them the manifesto.