💠🌐 Slogan Rewriting Clinic: Volume 1
Let the clinic commence.
Welcome to the first edition of the Slogan Rewriting Clinic, where your startup slogans come to get roasted, rebranded, and reborn—usually worse, always funnier.
“We took your precious marketing copy and gave it a stress test. It failed.”
In this clinic, we take real (or suspiciously real-sounding) slogans submitted by our readers, and apply an aggressive dose of honesty. Think of it as brand therapy—except we skipped the license and went straight for the diagnosis.
📢 Original Slogan:
“Powering the future of mobility.”
💬 Honest Rewrite:
“We sell scooters. Calm down.”
🧠 Commentary:
The phrase “powering the future” has been so overused, it’s now legally meaningless. Also, unless you’ve invented teleportation, please dial the ambition back to somewhere between “bike” and “slightly fast skateboard.”
📢 Original Slogan:
“Reimagining productivity through seamless collaboration.”
💬 Honest Rewrite:
“Another app. More notifications. Fewer friends.”
🧠 Commentary:
Productivity tools that use this slogan are the reason everyone’s Slack is muted and nobody remembers what they were supposed to do at 10 a.m. “Reimagining” = “We pivoted, but the investor deck still needs work.”
📢 Original Slogan:
“Built by humans. Powered by purpose.”
💬 Honest Rewrite:
“Definitely AI. Definitely VC money.”
🧠 Commentary:
This is the marketing version of a soft-focus photo on LinkedIn with #leadership in the caption. If you say “powered by purpose,” we assume you’re hiding something—like layoffs, or an app no one uses.
📢 Original Slogan:
“Unlocking opportunity with data.”
💬 Honest Rewrite:
“We charge you for access to your own metrics.”
🧠 Commentary:
“Data” is the new “synergy.” Everyone uses it, no one defines it, and half the time it just means exporting a CSV into a PowerPoint that nobody reads.
📢 Original Slogan:
“Innovate. Elevate. Dominate.”
💬 Honest Rewrite:
“Yell buzzwords until investors run out of questions.”
🧠 Commentary:
The holy trinity of words that say absolutely nothing and everything at once. This slogan wants to fight. In a pitch deck. With exclamation points.
Want Your Slogan Roasted Next?
Submit your slogan on Pinterest, Twitter, or through our homepage and we may feature it in the next edition—complete with unsolicited commentary and gentle emotional damage.
Or skip the line and let the AI handle the roast:
👉 Try the Honest Tagline Generator Now
Because your current slogan isn’t bad… it’s just trying really hard not to be honest.
*Disclaimer: All rewrites are fictional and satirical in nature. If you feel personally attacked, it’s probably because you’ve been to a branding workshop.* 😈
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- The 5 Worst Startup Slogans Ever (And Our Brutal Fixes)
- Why Brutally Honest Marketing Works (Even When It Hurts)
- 7 Brands That Accidentally Nailed Honest Taglines
- How to Write a Tagline That Doesn't Suck (And Actually Sells)
- The Secret Weapon: Using Humor to Boost Trust in Marketing