📊 Pitch Deck Translations: Volume 3

“Because PowerPoint can’t save you from reality.”

💬 Slide: “Go-to-Market Strategy”

🧨 Translation: We’re going to post on Product Hunt and hope for virality.

Also includes a tweet, a Medium post no one will finish, and one very optimistic podcast appearance.

💬 Slide: “We’re Category Creators”

🧨 Translation: We made something weird and are now begging Gartner to invent a box for it.

There’s a fine line between visionary and “why would anyone use this.”

💬 Slide: “Built with love by a passionate team.”

🧨 Translation: We don’t pay ourselves and we’re tired.

Also built with stress, ramen, and caffeine overdoses.

💬 Slide: “We’ve achieved product-market fit.”

🧨 Translation: A few people liked the free version.

Actual quote from an investor: “Define ‘fit.’”

💬 Slide: “We have defensible IP.”

🧨 Translation: We Googled ‘patent pending’ and now it’s on the slide.

Also includes: a one-liner in a Notion doc and a cease-and-desist letter… from another startup.

💬 Slide: “We’re not like our competitors.”

🧨 Translation: We are exactly like our competitors, but we use brighter gradients.

The only thing differentiated here is the number of fonts per slide.

💬 Slide: “We’re the Uber for [literally anything].”

🧨 Translation: We didn’t have a metaphor, so we just name-dropped a tech giant.

Also known as: “The Netflix of laundry,” “The Stripe for alpacas,” and “The Airbnb of failure.”

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“Not your average SaaS—just your average burnout.”
“Our MVP is mostly a PDF.”
“Slide 9 is where we cry.”

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Because someday, your pitch will be a meme. You might as well write the caption.

*Startup translation services provided by Nova. Accuracy: 94%. Mercy: 0%.*

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