💉 Slogan Rewriting Clinic: Volume 2
“Where slogans come to cry and leave stronger… or shorter.”
Back for another round of brand therapy, we took more submissions (real, fictional, spiritually accurate) and gave them the HonestTaglines.com treatment. Remember: we don’t roast because we hate.
We roast because we care.
And because we’ve seen way too many landing pages that say absolutely nothing.
📢 Original Slogan:
“Empowering your journey to success.”
💬 Honest Rewrite:
“We offer vague services with confident adjectives.”
🧠 Commentary:
This could be a life coach, a credit union, or a mobile data plan. If your slogan sounds like a Pinterest board title, it's not empowering—it’s evaporating.
📢 Original Slogan:
“Smarter decisions. Better outcomes.”
💬 Honest Rewrite:
“Data you’ll ignore. Charts we’ll pretend you read.”
🧠 Commentary:
This is classic enterprise SaaS poetry. You’ll find this slogan in a $300 slide deck sitting in a VP’s inbox—unopened since Q3.
📢 Original Slogan:
“Where innovation meets possibility.”
💬 Honest Rewrite:
“Now hiring: noun stacker. Must speak fluent nonsense.”
🧠 Commentary:
“Innovation” and “possibility” are not allowed within five feet of each other without adult supervision. This one was probably born in a brainstorming session that had muffins but no Wi-Fi.
📢 Original Slogan:
“Changing the way the world works.”
💬 Honest Rewrite:
“An app. You tap it. That’s it.”
🧠 Commentary:
Unless your startup is rewriting labor law, please lower your ambition level from “global transformation” to “mild UX improvement.”
📢 Original Slogan:
“Designed for humans.”
💬 Honest Rewrite:
“Confusing interface. Endless pop-ups. Definitely made by robots.”
🧠 Commentary:
Every time someone says “human-centric,” a UX designer weeps into their Figma file. Also: stop A/B testing your nav bar every week. We see you.
Ready for the Slogan ER?
You can submit your own marketing masterpiece for “treatment” in the next volume. Just tag us on Pinterest, tweet it, or whisper it into the void at HonestTaglines.com.
Or—cut the wait and generate your own roast-worthy slogan in seconds:
👉 Try the Honest Tagline Generator
Because your brand deserves a slogan that doesn’t sound like it was written by a tired intern trapped in a mission statement cage.
*Legal wink: All rewrites are fictional and loving. Any resemblance to your actual slogan is a coincidence—or a branding emergency.* 🔥
Related Posts
- 💠🌐 Slogan Rewriting Clinic: Volume 1
- 📜 The Branding Manifesto Nobody Asked For
- 💬 Copywriters React to Brutally Honest Taglines
- 🪞 What Your Slogan Really Says About Your Brand
- 🧠 Why AI Is Better at Branding Than Most Founders
- The 5 Worst Startup Slogans Ever (And Our Brutal Fixes)
- Why Brutally Honest Marketing Works (Even When It Hurts)
- 7 Brands That Accidentally Nailed Honest Taglines
- How to Write a Tagline That Doesn't Suck (And Actually Sells)
- The Secret Weapon: Using Humor to Boost Trust in Marketing